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No One Has To Know

from Not Waving But Drowning by Hands Of A Saviour

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lyrics

No one has to know.
How much further would Tyler say I have to go?
No one has to know.
I’m a danger to myself I can’t be trusted alone.

No one has to know.
It’s my secret; it’s mine; it reminds me of home.

It feels like breathing but without the stabbing pain in my lungs,
it feels like speaking but without the taste of bile on my tongue,
it feels like bleeding but without the sentiment or cliché,
it feels like living but without the agony.

But my feeling makes me hate myself;
makes me do such horrors to myself.
But if I don’t feel sorry for myself then well who will? Right?

Right?

Padlocks on knife drawers –
now where have I heard that before (I’m right).

It’s like an addiction how it’s got me by the throat
‘cause I could quit at any time, I just won’t.

Who knew rock bottom would feel this good?
Convincing me that I can’t, when I know I could;
too afraid to let go, when I know I should;
it’s all I’ve ever understood.
Who knew rock bottom would taste this good?

This could be my secret –
no one asks when your wrists are clean and
I won’t bore you with it –
no one cares if it’s your chest that’s bleeding.
I just can’t explain it –
how I hate the feeling but can’t leave it.
It’s got me asking myself if I believe in
half the things I’m meant to find appealing.

But if it’s all I control, it’s my pain, I’ll hurt if I want to.
And I know I should stop but
who am I to rid the world of what I’m best at?
It’s what I’m best at.
Sometimes it feels as though it’s all I’m good at.

credits

from Not Waving But Drowning, released November 11, 2014

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Hands Of A Saviour London, UK

Machine-gun vocals, dissonant grooves and heavy, technical metalcore from North London, England.

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